Monday, February 9, 2009

oh, how the world will make a fool of a believer; i was a believer once before.

19 things about a pretty meaningless monday:

1. the day started last night, on my couch, watching bad television on an ittybitty macbear screen through some neighbors wireless while reading 27 pages of 7-point font about the parallels between islamic fundamentalists & american neoconservatives. i produced an absurd body of work last night. i wont lie, it felt damn good.

2. it started snowing at 3am. timothy started doing this really bizarre dance in front of the balcony as it all fell down. he loves the snow. he brought this upon this snowless city. fogmonster go away!

3. by five i realized id have to forgo sleeping for the night. understand this about me: sleep is my greatest luxury. sacrificing sleep is, then, my greatest defeat.

4. at seven i began writing this story about these two kids who meet at an anti-war protest & eventually don't end up living happily ever after. this is how it begins:

It was just a flicker, barely discernible within our night. But you twitched. Your whole body wavered, if only for that moment, & then it resumed its unnerving stillness. That’s all. We were a mess of arms & legs under scattered blankets, breathing somewhat steadily into the cavern of bedroom air between our mouths. I was so tangled up into you, that some mild motion disturbed me, robbed from me those few precious moments of rest I’d saved all day for. I awoke to your static body, sleep undeterred, possessing a certain calm I don’t really think I was aware of until I saw you laying there on my mattress. I didn’t want you there anymore. But there you were, more complacent than I’d ever seen you. In the morning, none of this would matter. I’d have lost this moment in the night perhaps as effortlessly as you had. But I won’t deny that moment existed. Maybe I was just tired. But I wanted nothing to do with you.


5. the entire class (which is a five hour class at that) was devoted to this group projects on decolonizing methodologies, some dry academic book about indigenous studies. so i spent five hours discussing kaupapa maori theory after the epic paper i wrote on it (last night) & it was as stimulating as it sounds. if all went according to plan, i would have been in new zealand on this monday interning in wellington. heres a weird space for me to admit that theres a reason all did not go as planned. in a strange way, i lucked out.

6. molly & i took a lunch. i wont bother getting into the specifics, but i really appreciated that.

7. today was our midquarter family group evaluations. cole & austin got snowed out of the city, amanda didnt even bother to show face. i should add our group is "samus & the prime time posi." i mean, cmon. we discussed the social dynamics of the family. we keep it posi. thats all it really comes down to. i only got one solid bit of feedback from mohammed: "ally is EXTREMELY softspoken. you have to decide how to deal with that as a family."

8. daniels quote for today would probably go to: "i dont get drunk, i just get romantic."

9. i didnt have work directly after school, FOR ONCE, & it felt glorious.

10. though i passed out promptly upon arriving home.

11. it only lasted like 2 hours. i had too much on my mind. yeah yeah whatever.

12. i bought a crosby, stills, nash, & young record ("so far") for 99 cents. brilliant.

13. some girl recognized me in the basement of value village. when i conceded i dont think i knew her, she admitted she was only aware of me through browsing her friends mathew facebook. dont think she meant to admit that, but it was cute. we all do it, right?

14. ran into my longlost maggie in urban outfitters. weve been through, you know, one of the most intriguing years of my life. during my epic mission to find good product for class today, i recalled the time we had a 3day binge & did nothing but create art for this anarchy class we were taking. our bodies & minds were so worn out after that experience, but fuck, what came out of those entirely sleepdeprived days & nights.

15. i ended up with a harmonica necklace. i wont get into the reasons. but ive really been singing the blues lately, & enough of that already.

16. i found this old, frayed book on religious/christian enlightenment down in half price books. its titled "things as they are now." initially, for my restored testimony, i intended to cut a square into the pages of a bible, & include my testimony claims & photographs in a pocket-sized moleskine. i should explain that my testimony is on all of the elements that led up to my decision to leave my church. but as i was pillaging through all of the holy bibles, i realize i couldnt do it. too many of the bibles had these little epithets in them, or even just names inscribed in a corner. i guess im more concerned with disrespecting these phantom people, than the actual bible itself.

17. im going to say at some point, im sure, that i created this for some fixie-kid that wandered into snocon & refused to by a perfect pair of boat shoes. but in reality, i just need to put it all somewhere. in retrospect none of my memory ever ends up being all that linear. you should know that with me, these things are erratic at best.

18. i think i absorbed all the water in seattle, washington during an intensely long shower.

19. im going to bust out these connected knowers & head over to dance my little worries away with some members of samus & some old amigos. i gave up whiskey a week ago today. im starting to be more sincere with myself. unfortunately, about a half hour ago, i bought the last two 40s of smirnoff from king of the hill. ive bought the whole shelf within the past week. whatever gets you through the night?

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