oh hello.

the party's crashing us now

2009-06-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

i turned 22. oh well.

a light on a hill.

2009-06-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

so june began.

days like these.

[ally shoots the moon.]

here in my suit of tin

2009-06-08T00:23:00.000-07:00

a bottle of gin, a typewriter & a violin...
wouldnt you like that?

the end of may :

2009-05-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

climbing some rocks

2009-05-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

went climbing in the cascades near leavenworth this weekend. tackled it

aint no lesser

2009-05-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

" & when you feel the distance in an empty bed, lord youll know that youre the woman of a hard workin guitar pickin man."

the chapel

2009-05-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

lauras twentyfirst birthday

ode to broken things

2009-05-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

Things get broken
at home
like they were pushed
by an invisible, deliberate smasher.
It’s not my hands
or yours
It wasn’t the girls
with their hard fingernails
or the motion of the planet.
It wasn’t anything or anybody
It wasn’t the wind
It wasn’t the orange-colored noontime
Or night over the earth
It wasn’t even the nose or the elbow
Or the hips getting bigger
or the ankle
or the air.
The plate broke, the lamp fell
All the flower pots tumbled over
one by one. That pot
which overflowed with scarlet
in the middle of October,
it got tired from all the violets
and another empty one
rolled round and round and round
all through winter
until it was only the powder
of a flowerpot,
a broken memory, shining dust.

And that clock
whose sound
was
the voice of our lives,
the secret
thread of our weeks,
which released
one by one, so many hours
for honey and silence
for so many births and jobs,
that clock also
fell
and its delicate blue guts
vibrated
among the broken glass
its wide heart
unsprung.

Life goes on grinding up
glass, wearing out clothes
making fragments
breaking down
forms
and what lasts through time
is like an island on a ship in the sea,
perishable
surrounded by dangerous fragility
by merciless waters and threats.

Let’s put all our treasures together
— the clocks, plates, cups cracked by the cold —
into a sack and carry them
to the sea
and let our possessions sink
into one alarming breaker
that sounds like a river.
May whatever breaks
be reconstructed by the sea
with the long labor of its tides.
So many useless things
which nobody broke
but which got broken anyway.

pablo neruda

maybe im just tired

2009-05-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

hibernating.

{project:citizen. neighbor from ny's band}

me & the devil blues

2009-05-07T15:52:00.001-07:00

mas turistas

2009-05-03T04:01:00.000-07:00

a few mas from mandees 09 trip to this wonderful city by the sea:

on the threshold of eternity

2009-05-03T03:50:00.000-07:00

i presented my song for class. "on the threshold of eternity" by the snake the cross the crown. after all of this time, it still remains.

may no mans touch ever tame you

2009-04-24T01:29:00.000-07:00

crammed into the booth at the ballroom in fremont. reading "vast hell" via new yorker. scottie just spun getup kids within a hiphop set. :] cute table with firepit. atmosphere tomorrow.

i'm on a boat

2009-04-24T01:07:00.000-07:00

everywhere on a sunny day
I Saw U, all of you, looking all cute when the weather is nice. Out in the park, walking down Broadway, and everywhere, dressed in your warm-weather best and making me love living here. Really, I know that (almost) everyone's mood improves once the sun comes out, but I really appreciate all the cute outfits and general friendliness I encountered yesterday every time I went outside. I love all of you.
When: Monday, April 20, 2009
Where: Cal Anderson

bronco & buddies

2009-04-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

mr. gilles & i say farewell to the mountains.

Alex
i love how full of life you are
it's awesome
12:24pm
Ally
?
Alex
no it's your energy
you have a ton of it and it seems like you could always be happy to matter the situation
12:26pm
Ally
no idk how true that is

... bizarre?

its strange, because what reminds me most of maggie is the anticipation of summertime. shopping for bandeau top bathing suits, basking in the few rays of winter sun outside the broadway-edison building, perpetually hunting for that perfect bicycle. so our reunion couldnt have come at a better time. shes as wonderful as ever, & life is bound to only get lovelier.
+

+

this is long, but this movies loud. i just rigged up a seriously illegit sound system in my house. out of odds & ends. i need to get back to work real soon so i get paid to macgyver.

scottie from juneau

2009-04-16T12:49:00.001-07:00

rancho bravo

2009-04-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

how the quesadillas rank on capitol hill:
excellent:
1. bleu
2. mine
3. six arms
moderately lame to awful:
4. rancho bravo
5. taco del mar
6. la cantina y cocina

"i think duckie dale knows the words"

2009-04-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

the days are all a blur of sunshine, classes, nights, days, papers, books, news articles on pirates, eyeshadow, old acquaintances, subway sandwiches, walks home, calendars, medicine, cuddles, snkist, sunglasses, whatnot. its been nice, for sure, but im going to get resettled into life now. sometime. soon, im hoping.

alabama boys.

do i always wear that shirt back there? i think i might always wear that shirt.
...im wearing it now.

horrifying. happy easter.

gnar pow...bro

brennan coyle

2009-04-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

hopelessly yours, alabama

2009-04-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

what the hell do i get myself into sometimes? get it together, girl.

dont let your dreams be dreams

2009-04-07T23:41:00.000-07:00

all this livins not so hard as it seems.

sunshine tuesday

2009-04-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

sunshine monday: cal anderson

2009-04-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

phillip:

2009-04-05T22:56:00.000-07:00

phillip in bear form while at his job:

phillip in video form:

sunshine sunday: pizza party

2009-04-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

in the basement of a cantina

2009-04-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

mad rad at lofi

2009-04-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

flickr faces

2009-04-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

www.flickr.com/mattoly

miguel randoms

2009-04-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

miguel came & went, but he left behind strings of smiles. return swiftly young lad.

we own the streets

2009-03-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

michael jones landed on a direct flight from new york the other night. the trifecta has squared off. its been brilliant.
keep it coming.

vrknnn

barfly

brotherbear!

if i could just leave my body for a night

2009-03-22T02:37:00.000-07:00

weak shift. so slow, so slow. i dont know where to begin, or end. yesterday tobin took me up this offramp to i-5 towards some makers mark, & we saw seattle spiral around us. everything changed. i didnt know what to make of it, the curve of the city after a decent night at work, all the way up the hill. theres so much of this city left to see. all very surreal. i was hoping id get over that eventually, but that feeling works its way back again & again. the experiences in these past few weeks alone have shifted me entirely. id be confused or overwhelmed, but i never bother. i just keep going on, getting further in. or farther out. not sure. i met with suzanne, she told me to live for myself. no one else. & not to feel guilty for it. i should, i want to, but i dont. i dont feel guilty yet. i just feel fear that someday i will. she told me to always choose adventure. almost always. i was taught shame. i cant handle that anymore. im not ashamed of who ive become. or what i believe. or how i go about my days. this is all very irrelevant for an online blog, you know? im stoked to be alive, if only for the time being.

"in the flowers" animal collective
"within you" ray lamontagne
"the white flash" modeselektor featuring thom yorke
"slow show" the national
"despite what youve been told" two gallants
"a gift for melody anne" the avett brothers
"ode to lrc" band of horses
"after the curtain" beirut
"in your mind" built to spill
"all you ever wanted" the black keys
"live your life" ti
"cant believe a single word" vhs or beta

[tobin:]

it seems i just missed a call from brendan, meandering through the roads towards memphis, on his way back from south by southwest, & that voicemail nearly broke my heart. if i could type it out, youd understand. i miss that rambling voice. i miss that wandering boy. those were the sweetest words ive heard in awhile.

fiesta mazatlan nights 8-9

2009-03-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

im done. im out. im retiring. its been incredible, but my body & my home need to rest up.
night 8 at my place on capitol hill,
night 9 at nabils in the southside,
night 10 at cobys on mlk drive.

epic, but a girl needs her rest.

fiesta mazatlan night 7

2009-03-19T10:16:00.001-07:00

didnt really have a party on slate for last night, so we ventured out to golden gardens in ballard for an epic bonfire. its amazing that however last minute the plans were, how many people were down. this week has been brilliant, & im sad to see it go. though it looks like a few folks are pushing it into the weekend, so it might just never end. i see neverending bonfires this summertime. im thinking of staying in seattle.

omar salazar

2009-03-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

im reposting tyler bledsoes clip in mind field, but who knows how long it will take for youtube to murder this one too. but im also throwing omar salazar because thats more how ive been feeling lately. a little less mellow than usual. he skates way fast & kicks it around latin america. perfect. the style between the two varies hugely, but both are brilliant. so there you go.

tyler bledsoe

omar salazar

other than that, jason dill skates to animal collective & heath kirchart has a morrissey song. so just buy the film already!

fiesta mazatlan night 6

2009-03-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

st patricks day. avoided clever dunnes at all costs, the only irish bar on olive way...after bentons dropped in to hollyhood at havana. every nights another story. today jordy & i procured some epic pow frosties. i dont even know how old i was when i last had a frosty, but my god, they are banging. ive had endless energy at work lately, its been bizarre. vitamins are insane. now im eating pretzels, listening to elliott smith, worrying about austins whereabouts, noticing the space needle is lit up green...

nah man...willpower

2009-03-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

my lifestyle is always being called into question. my parents. my exboyfriend. my cousin. thats what i think of when i think of the west coast. who i used to be. miserable all of the time. quiet. kept to myself, kept it all in. let it fester. i kept those things quiet & they were okay with that. you want to know why i moved all of the way out here? because i was miserable every day. there are moments of weakness, but every day that i am out here, i am genuinely stoked to be alive. every time i see the mountains. every time i journey out on my own. its embedded in every plan i make, every thought i form. it was the most selfish thing ive ever done, i get that. & i would never mean to hurt those i love the most. but no, im not the same, & hopefully i never will be. it was awful. this isnt.

fiesta mazatlan randoms

2009-03-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

i know i know its getting a bit cobrasnake in here lately, but if my liver is putting up with it, so then can you. tonight is night six, heres the rundown from where i left off:

five - theme: molly
mollys house / way east capitol hill (21st ave)
six - st patricks day
la cantina y cocina on broadway
seven - undecided
bentons house / belmont & pine
eight - BBQ!
my roof ! / broadway & olive

okay okay these surfaced today:

my samus<3

mollybear!!

it appears as though jamie & i are having a very serious squabble.

daniel!

cuties! katherine & stephen

the dark stallion!

textmonster!

kristin of samus!

fiesta mazatlan night 5

2009-03-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

eagle rare. today i procured the best bottle of whiskey imaginable. it has a cork, & an eagle etched into it, so i mean. its five thirty & im refusing bed. because then i have to deal with thethings right before me! & id rather not. cant a girl cuddle & sleep & that could be that? it seems like everything just gets muddled up. for real. so im doing this, smoking on my balcony, feet getting wet, mewithoutYou, remember that phase in your life when that really impacte d you? i mean really. added to our slate, for friday: rehab.

fiesta mazatlan nights 1-4

2009-03-16T15:09:00.000-07:00

the first stretch of weeklong party has been pretty epic.

one - kickoff

steves house / broadway & fir near the international district

two - southend!

jasons house / rainier avenue deeep in south seattle

three - bowie dance party

lucas' house / 26th & aloha capitol hill

four - POOL PARTY

caseys house / the central district

samus<3

hopelessly lost in south seattle

@lucas' bowie vs. bjork danceoff

we partied on south holden street! just for you holden.
weve conquered so much of the city, & its only monday.

snocon sunday

2009-03-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

im kickin it at work. tim is claiming (who is claiming this from the carolinas, may i add) that it is snowing in seattle. it is not. i took this photo to demonstrate my vantage point from the shop:

its just a sunny, mild day. the shop is somewhat dead. i did help this really lovely family from phoenix for quite awhile. you know ive never been to the southwest. i think id like it. i told mandee id likely never come back to new york. it really upset her & i know now i shouldnt have been so blunt about it. she conceded she didnt know where else id end up or how i even ended up here since "theres just a bunch of yous here." the mountains, the used book shops, the plaid, the messy hair, the unwashed kids, the liberals, the casual indie music, the kitschy dive bars, the record labels, the thrift shops, the collectives, the beanies, the beats, the galleries, the ocean, the parks, the causes. all of those things that my family found bizarre all those years, that i thought were so inherently "me" really just made me a certain type of person. & here, for some reason, we all reside.

im also kicking a fierce flu. i ran my body to the ground. i drank a buckets worth of whiskey to soothe my sore throat this week. i delayed recovering for so long because it was finals week & mandee was in town. but eventually my body just gave out, & in the worst possible way. i was obliterated. also i completely lost my voice, which is less a "sexy smoker voice" as one kid calls it & more "sixty six year old chain smoker from long island after her fifth martini." i perpetually sound like a drunk girl when im out. more free drinks though. its a shame because me & benton organized WEEKLONG PARTY (appropriatly if not creatively titled) which is a mexican-riviera themed full slate of fiestas, potlucks, tv/movie nights, bbqs, dance parties. tonight is night four & we surprised casey with news that he was hosting a pool party. surprise! he doesnt have a pool. really we are just going to crash his house to watch brothers & sisters. & paint eachothers toe nails. & drink our week away. the last day of csp was way emotional. hugfest for sure. bonding with these folks outside of class is surreal. putting the people to the stories i know so well is weird. the last time i took this program i did not feel this connection, this bond. & honestly - & i know we devote a portion of every meeting to reflecting on this -- but i have the most incredible class family. our party is manana. its going to be epic. youre not supposed to talk a party up like that i dont think, but i so am. im going to end up dead somewhere somehow by the end of all of this hullaballoo. im pushing my body hard.

i just took awhile to clean up davins resume. resumes are always cute. i cant wait to write my snocon job description. duties include: bolstering egos, color coordinating, doling out full sail, talking up boat shoes, peddling flannel to the masses. so like maybe once a week i dress up the mannequin as a brilliantly stylish man & send a picture of it to gailie. so pay attention fellas here is ally snocons 2009 spring collection thus far:

& todays lovely manny:

departures -->

2009-03-14T00:11:00.000-07:00

"I've just been thinking how it's harder every year
 to find excuses that'll keep me in the clear; 
the arbitrary lines I impress in the sand,
 the proof that piles in my trash can 
while the skin on my hands is looking older every day.
 The lies I've told have turned to leather on my face.
 The love I've lost has turned to needles in my heart.
 But I'm to blame for all the bad parts. 
They're the choices I've made."

turistas

2009-03-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

facebook album: turistas
mandee visits seattle II; march 09

jordy

2009-03-12T00:45:00.000-07:00

samus & the primetime posi

2009-03-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

there wasn't a dry eye in the house.
"tomorrow is the last day we are all together."
total weepfest.

outsourced!

2009-03-10T14:37:00.001-07:00

first off, i got my hair severed by ken at zero zero the other day. it was getting mangy, & enough was enough. but its way short:

but other than that, another monday night at moe bar:

imagine

2009-03-10T10:01:00.001-07:00

at cafe vita hungover & without a voice because im obliterated by illness, working with samus on our final presentation in the power of nightmares program. honestly , i love my family. my class family, i always have to elaborate. what an eclectic, wonderful assortment of people. i can work with them, drink with them, be honest with them. its early in the morning & im corny as hell, but oh well. so be it.

we think austin might be in jail.

mas y mas; shop trip

2009-03-09T03:21:00.000-07:00

mount baker in the morning

larry, by andrew

melody

davin bussed our tables...what a gentleman

forrest used to ride for rome sds

i built an incredible campfire with this man...resilience pays off.
also, note the tortilla strips

endless merch

i believe two thirds of the rest of the photos from the trip are being saved for blackmail occasions. fair enough.

shes lost control again

2009-03-09T00:37:00.000-07:00

happy birthday benton!
got a really decent group together to kick it for bentons. molly, ryan, cole -- for samus. kellen, nico, josh, natalie, scottie, jamie, mike, richard. its weird how happy these people make me, individually & together.
friday did the cafe vitta family meetup/lunch at honeyhole. im into it.

rented control the other night. we were really sleepy so i didnt think i got through it, but it stuck with me the entire next day, & awhile after that. ian curtis was 23. so bizarre.

&, as uncomfortable as her character happened to make me, annik honore was absolutely lovely. as in, perfect.

another haunting tidbit. i devoured an article on marlene dietrich in the latest issue of vogue at oddfellows some breakfast a few days ago. ive been trying to reconcile a lifestyle for so long, & that woman just went out & did it. i mean, nevermind that she hooked up with jfk at 60. she worked out a life that is more sensible than traditional values usually allow for. im still navigating through all of this.
then i watched hes just not that into you, & i feel like everything reverted back down again. the women were desperate & the men were lousy. the modern age has nothing going for it sometimes. like, really?

2:40am
James
i live in trees
i wanna tell u all about it
2:41am
Ally
thats so you
2:41am
James
yeah it is
i am stewarding 2 trees called nautica and starburst

...brilliant.

ps welcome to seattle mandee!

snowline

2009-03-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

this is when life gets unbelievable. for three days, john logic & ag (the owners of snocon) shut the shop down, take all of the employees on a shop trip to a ski resort, & cover lift tickets, lodging, breakfast, dinner, beer, whiskey, all of it. so unreal.

drove up with tobin monday after class, almost got ran off the road by ornery asian men in a mercedes, had dinner at the northfork beer shrine & wedding chapel. considered who id marry; definitely kenji for a green card. drank as much cheap whiskey as i could -- evan williams is no elijah craig -- & then the rest was a blur.
a wonderful blur. playing life questions, bonding with courtney, this lovely chap id never spoken of, being put in the pirate cabin with a dozen drunk boys, having to share a room with brandon, whiskey, snow, melody, mount baker, etcetera, so forth, wonderful. doesnt feel real.

drove back at like four am in tobins truck to make a wednesday morning cckp. listened to sigur ros' latest album Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust, the entire way back. things have shifted, things have grown, things have dissipated. i guess it doesnt really matter now. i dont think i know what i want, but i do think i know what i dont want.

by lo :

2009-03-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

some work from my beautiful babygirl:

tyler bledsoe

2009-03-01T23:05:00.001-08:00

so im at bentons doing our weekly connected knower. listening to techno jams. you know? as it happens, its his birthday tomorrow.

i left the hill this weekend.
a. fremont. ryan & i woke up early to head over to evo for some snowpants. everything you heard is true: evo is awful. adorable shop, beyond lame customer service. picked up a pair of holden standards regardless. damnnnnit. oh well.
b. bellevue. seems a lot like connecticut. finally found the bvue snocon behind petes winery. kenji was way bitter the shop there is "a total dude magnet." we found a wendys, which i didnt know they had out here. rad.
c. udistrict. met a lad, jack, who bought up the shop; offered me an internship at his record label, which is nonexclusionary. which is what has been holding me back from getting involved with tooth & nail -- christianity is insanely exclusionary. hes from the bay area & uses words like "bunk," & a bunch of others i already found wonderful & then misplaced.
d. the central district. left dipaolos apartment at like, sunrise, halfway through a viewing of daytona easyriders biker babe special. quit caring when it became more flashy bikes than trashy women. the california coastlines look beautiful. we spent the night watching the new alien workshop film >> mind field << that premiere party deal at havana earlier this week was for. nick made us watch the heath kircheck piece set to morrissey maybe eleven times. maybe. strange, but something is so feelgood about watching this kid tyler bledsoe skate.

im thinking its the glasses. the song is "white flash" by modeselektor.

e. snocon. im only including this because work has kind of been a world of its own lately.
f. southcenter. seems a lot like jersey. commanded jordan to take me down to the h&m in some mall waaay south. maybe past the airport. malls are strange, really. tried to find sessions pants, failed. ended up having dinner down there.

something tells me i wont be getting any sleep tonight. :/ or, for that matter, tomorrow night, at mount baker. or the next night when i have to stay relatively sober enough to drive tobins 30-grand truck back from glacier, washington at six in the morning to get back for family day at school. qfc run on pike. goodnight.

month six

2009-02-28T23:16:00.000-08:00

i met a sheepish blond fellow in the suburbs of chicago. i was sleepy as hell. this is the first thing he claims to have noticed about me, "those weary eyes." the summer had obliterated me, but it was perfect all the same. at the end of it, i was leaving new york behind, yet again. camp had ended. we had spent an epic night at the mean fiddler in manhattan, then jake & i packed the remnants of our lives into his red grand am, headed west, explored america, slept on the sides of highways, got lost in cornfields, ate a lot of subway sandwiches, found some grody beaches, ended up in michigan. i took the train to chicago from kalamazoo after a week camping out of north manitou island. we had ferried out & spent a glorious while within lake michigan climbing the sleeping bear dunes & downing mass amounts of yukon jack. zac picked me up at union station as an exhausted shell of who he left me in the new york mountains as. his friend andrew was waiting for us when we arrived in elgin. i spent only a week in those illinois suburbs. this summer was a messy one & i wasnt really down for what was to follow. but all the same, it followed. he paid attention to me though i dont know why. we should have left it that. it was all so indistinct. the beers, the board games, the bingo halls. middle america was wonderful for awhile. i booked a flight to phoenix. i had to go home; i hadnt seen seattle in months. we all agreed on the diner & drank the last night away. when everyone else passed out around zacs house, andrew & i were still on the porch. the sun was coming up over this bizarre suburb. it was a really unspectacular sunrise, i should add, but we watched it. he held on to me, & he told me in his gravelly voice he had developed some sort of crush on me. damnit. youre driving me to the airport in a few hours! brian stormed the porch just then demanding pancakes. i never felt so nervous. then he drove me to the airport. i hugged zac goodbye & then i hugged andrew goodbye. from the tarmac i received, i fell in love with you when you held my hand as you walked away in my inbox. i know, i know. he picked up extra shifts & within a few weeks he touched down in seattle-tacoma international airport.

maybe that weekend was where this lovely story should have ended, but it wasnt. he spent a few days in seattle, & no one knew. when they found out, it was hell. his parents, my exboyfriend, his exgirlfriend, zac. but none of that mattered while he was here. i guess it doesnt matter now. we are weak & we wanted more.

the pinnacles of our relationship existed in airports. ohare, sky harbor, seatac, detroit, jfk, stewart. all of that, in transit. if i had to rewrite this story, id never write him off completely. i just wouldnt have let it go on for this long, punishing each other for a distance that was there from the moment i met him.

i could go on & on & on. but that wouldnt change tonight, or august, or october, or whatever else could come of this, if anything at all. thats all. no complaints, no worries. goodnight.

just dont let it be the last time you come into my life

2009-02-28T14:08:00.001-08:00

youre here for a reason, youre living & breathing, & if you keep on trying maybe someday youll find out why.

& this road leads home if i turn the car around, but for now ive got to keep on moving.

everywhere i go, everyone i know comes with. wonder how many more i can fit inside this crowded, crazy heart.

whiskey like water

2009-02-27T18:49:00.000-08:00

i renewed my lease.
also, seattle city light shut off my power. way rough. no hot showers, microwaveable quesadillas, setting the thermostat to 80. it was kind of precious, though. we bought qfc out of jesus votive candles & lit maybe a whole bag of ikea tealights. brilliant. im kind of sad to see that part of the lifestyle go. nah, im keeping it. ive got to keep that bill low. i had to pay them $350 to get it back on. i havent paid it in nearly two years.
i renewed my lease, i live here now.

im all about the incredible people out here. never more so.

this week goes out to:
+benton
+mike & i found a labyrinth in bentons apartments basement , made cole journey into it
+glowstick parties on belmont
+natalie, scottie, casey, amina, josh
+movie night with shaun: roman holiday
+endless nights at redwood
+toby & nick
+nightlong cuddle sesh with my best friends, tim & laura, ice cream & fancy southern pecan pie for 79 cents
+lindas tavern, endlessly
+fancy dinner at davins; james, chantael, carly
+paint & write parties
+the austrian man who keeps coming into snocon trying to convert me to meditation
+brian from uw
+stephen from uw "thats not metal"
+jordan & matt
+deciding at 3am at the market to dye easter eggs
+poker night
+casey for journeying out to procure me smirnoff ice, now called "pixie sticks"
+early morning meetups at cafe vitta on pike; cole, austin, ryan, arian, kristin, molly, daniel
+restoring presention
+family group fi-le for making everyone in the religion & worldview binder gifts (cupcakes, journals, etch-a-sketches)
+denitra for the wonderful moleskine notebook she made me
+rvca for making the softest thrasher shirts ever
+jay & sam
+kings in ballard; owning jordan at skeeball, banging fries, nearly falling asleep in the bathroom
+the bottle of elijah craig we started at 4pm on wednesday
+tigerbeat
+alien workshop for the free shirts
+peter for runins everywhere (cha, moe, fucking safeway)
+jordans adorable new rvca shirt in bourgeoise blue
+meeting up for drinks with billy the mountaineer; im now training for climbing mount rainier in june.
+shauns eggs & potatoes breakfast
+epic snocon reunion at havana; davin, alex, tobin, shaina, taylor, the analog reps, kenji, sean cee
+"youre trouble"
+redwood dinnertime; melody, davin, emily, rhett, max
+seminar with el-monk, crystal, gary, steve, larenzo
+another week of banging quesadillas
+outsourced with my girls! (i have girls now) ryan & kristin
+honeyhole; noon oclock beers with ryan, cole, austin
+chacha & lindas; honor, jonny, kara, elliot, & a boy named rainier after the prince of monaco not the mountain
+free cocoa at vivace care of lance
+everyone in seattle having wonderful names. decided we especially like unisex names
+the bartenders at moe for having a great unisex name (blair), being scottish, being perfect (gilby), or having wonderful red hair
+movie night at shauns: once
+back rubs
+grey study sessions
+los beautiful babyapt; lo, danny, quddus
+snowstorm
+dr. suzanne for being brilliant
+INTENSE nightlong tv marathons with moth
+the lad from colorado decked out in his grandfathers clothing at the pub who explained he worked in "food distribution"...when asked later to clarify, he admitted: "im a pizza delivery guy"
+MURDER BY DEATH at nuemos lastnight, playing "fuego!"

i finally spoke with papabear. its really surreal. i think the winds are changing, & its pretty epic.

i wish i could write a love letter to everyone ive met lately.

mbd "brother"

kristin shredding

"is it awkward?"
"we can look." -adrien
"lets not."
"its better awkward." -adrien
"i know no other way."

goodnight goodnight.

23 YEARS 15 DAYS

2009-02-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

it is my beautiful incredible cousins 23rd birthday today!!

i was at work moseying through her gifts when she called to report what her boyfriend stephen gave her today: tickets to seattle.

i could go on & on & on.

15 DAYS TIL MANDEE.

STEPHEN YOU ARE A KING.

you made my morning

2009-02-18T22:11:00.000-08:00

what a lovely ending to that little tale!

spent all afternoon at grey, until the mood lighting became impossibly dim, & the crowd became better & better dressed. its been a wonderful week. sunshine, breakfasts, cafe septieme, bentons, coming home to tim on my couch ready for staying in, keeping cozy, park adventures, samus & the prime time posi, lunches on pike, reading excessively, things are slowing down at work & were getting shipments of spring clothing in day by day.

eternal return
emily ann pothast
until march 11th @ grey

im cutting my hours down at work. i need to caaalm down. i need to huddle into cafes hunched over my macbear letting works leak out of my fingertips for hours on end. i need to scavenge for moment that would fit within a frame on a roll of film. i need to leave the hill every so often, see some more shows, wake up for more brunches. i need to work out in more than just a tiny mirrored cube with machines. i need to longboard, snowboard, get lost. i need sunrises. i need to read books in cal anderson park, not in the shoe room at snocon. i need to live. & not just for the nights.

what makes the world like this?

2009-02-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

well i looked my demons in the eye, laid bare my chest, said "do your best, destroy me." see ive been to hell & back so many times, i must admit you kind of bore me.

"its that kind of night"

2009-02-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

here is the moment. i was on my second glass of red wine, ever. shaun & i had just did valentines up last night at 611 supreme, some french place on pike with a bewildering menu, & i had dined on crepes. another first, may i add. we were standing in the gallery of grey, on 12th, among glorious paintings of ghostly spacemen & patchwork mountains. then, some lad in a vest stands on the table -- essentially, a log with a sheen -- & strums a banjo. he plays this song by a band maybe closest to my heart. & how we ended up there, then, to hear that, i dont know. but ive listened to that song a hundred times over, in seattle, on the airplane home, in detroit, in new york, on my way back, & mostly, when everything started falling apart. i lost that sense of home. & a year ago, well, this story just never ends. but im better for having gone through it, right?

tear down the house:

tear down the house that i grew up in.
i’ll never be the same again.
take everything that i’ve collected,
& throw it in a pile.

bulldoze the woods that i ran through.
carry the pictures of me & you.
i have no memory of who i once was,
& i don’t remember your name.

park the old car that i love the best.
inspection’s due & it won’t pass the test.
it’s funny how i have to put it to rest,
& how one day i will join it.

i remember crying over you,
& i don’t mean like a couple of tears & i’m blue.
i’m talking about collapsing & screaming at the moon,
but i’m a better man for having gone through it.
yes, i’m a better man for having gone through.

ever since i learned how to curse,
i’ve been using those sorry old words.
but i’m talking to these children & i’m keeping it clean.
i don’t need those words to say what i mean.
no, i don’t need those words to say what i mean

tear down the house that i grew up in.
i’ll never be the same again.
take everything that i used to own,
& burn it in a pile

bulldoze the woods that i ran through.
carry the pictures of me & you.
i have no memory of who i once was,
& i don’t remember your name.

murder in the city:

it was a really nice night.

saint valentine

2009-02-14T18:11:00.000-08:00

brought to you by lo, as found slid under my door. <3

last night was really lovely. i want it to be warmer out. the last song i intentionally listened to was "last time" by paul baribeau. its been six years tonight. im down for longboarding. im keeping my expectations in check. i have more to say, maybe, but i never really know how to say it.

vut?

2009-02-14T18:03:00.000-08:00

Cole is a story about animals escaping the zoo. 5:45pm

Ally Ramos at 5:48pm February 14
um fiesta ????

Cole Vreeland at 5:49pm February 14
when when when?
want to drink??????????????????????????????????????
there is no way I can do homework today..... :/

Ally Ramos at 5:50pm February 14
umm fiesta ???????

Cole Vreeland at 5:51pm February 14
I think we should talk to benton.

Ally Ramos at 5:53pm February 14
call benton, you know what to say
"umm..."

Cole Vreeland at 5:54pm February 14
FIIIIIIIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTAAAAAA

Ally Ramos at 5:54pm February 14
that was a wall post.

Cole Vreeland at 5:58pm February 14
my phone is jacked up homes! im callin now

Josh Dettwiller at 6:01pm February 14
You're not being very responsible, Cole.

Cole Vreeland at 6:01pm February 14
oh come on now.

Ally Ramos at 6:02pm February 14
josh what are your feelings about homework on a saturday night?

Josh Dettwiller at 6:02pm February 14
Drinking on a Saturday night? You're sooo 18, Cole.

Josh Dettwiller at 6:03pm February 14
I'm not doing my homework until Tuesday morning.

Ally Ramos at 6:04pm February 14
oh whoaaa i forgot about monday. you changed my night & my life

Josh Dettwiller at 6:04pm February 14
I often have that impact on people.

Cole Vreeland at 6:06pm February 14
Benton said he's down!

Ally Ramos at 6:07pm February 14
okay let me know when you get over here from idaho

Cole Vreeland at 6:08pm February 14
hahahahahaha hilarious. It may be a little, but we are bringing booze

Josh Dettwiller at 6:09pm February 14
tsk tsk tsk

Gregory S. Hinckley at 6:11pm February 14
Hey, nothing wrong with Idaho.

Ally Ramos at 6:12pm February 14
do you always roll with a posse?

Josh Dettwiller at 6:12pm February 14
I loled.

Cole Vreeland at 6:12pm February 14
ha, just because i'm a little east of Seattle...

Cole Vreeland at 6:13pm February 14
no, just one other.

Ally Ramos at 6:16pm February 14
hahah. im sure idahos lovely this time of year.

Cole Vreeland at 6:09pm February 14
so, honey, do you want to come out and hang tonight?

Josh Dettwiller at 6:10pm February 14
Hmm... Maybe...
I'd have to put on my makeup.

gilby turns 50!

2009-02-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

a kid from daniels youth home gave him a battered old guitar, with "daniel emmanuel" fingerpainted onto it. yesterday in this sun-soaked hallway, he played us these songs, about his father, about revolution, about letting go. & it was really nice. & my sentimental side gets the best of me. if i got sidetracked in life for a little while, but ended up hearing these things one winter afternoon, you know, im okay with it.

i get this way sometimes.

the night ended up at sole repair, behind quinns. the presentations during the restoring process of my program really got to me. i drank a shift of work away. im restoring plans. of a collective, of artists, writers, musicians. i went to scope out some gallery space. envision. its all coming together, oddly enough. but besides all of that, i met up with toby & nick at redwood. then we headed over to pike for awhile, & it was one of those nights. toby is moving down to olympia in march...but im not. im putting it off until october, until ireland. its weird to think in the past tense when youre in a moment - but i already saw this moment as a memory, something wed look back on when we were down in the state capitol, finishing up school in the forest, being weirded out by pacific northwest methheads. a dark lit bar, the stella artois, the dj, the well-clad people, gilbys hat. this-seattle-is just a phase.

things as they are

2009-02-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

we are having a productive party at davins. he paints, i write, we create. perfect. we made some warm food & spun the mountain goats. im working on my masterpiece, "things as they are." graphite, thats all. thoreau advised, "simplify, simplify. our life is frittered away by detail."

this is my thesis: "to you, im just a character. to me, i finally started writing the story myself."

this is my about the author photo:

this is my favorite quote to describe the area i was brought up in: "if you were to drop a rose in the hudson river at its mysterious source in the adirondacks, think of all the places it journeys by as it goes out to sea forever. think of that wonderful hudson valley." -jack kerouac, from the second chapter of on the road

melatonin

2009-02-10T14:43:00.000-08:00

do you see how convenient a babyharmonica is?

this morning i slept through a writing workshop & the first of my doctors appointments today. oh vel. note though: i slept. it was every bit as glorious as i recalled. i was so befuddled when i awoke. ive yet to snap out of that.
it seems shaunbear & i are going to marsbar(?) to hear the reporters play tonight. i need a change of pace. the pace always needs to be changed somewhat.

chin up, cheer up

2009-02-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

februarys soundtrack
epic playlist of bittersweet bumout songs, ever growing, ever evolving:

"spine" page france
"empty" ray lamontagne
"maybe i'm just tired" as tall as lions
"sit & listen to the rain" ryan adams
"there's a reason" aa bondy
"god?" the dodos
"all my days" alexi murdoch
"midsummer classic" sundowner
"i want none of this" radiohead
"all that i know" castanets
"(moneymaker)" the snake the cross the crown
"racing like a pro" the national
"it ends here" matt pryor
"winter" the dodos

oh, how the world will make a fool of a believer; i was a believer once before.

2009-02-09T20:57:00.000-08:00

19 things about a pretty meaningless monday:

1. the day started last night, on my couch, watching bad television on an ittybitty macbear screen through some neighbors wireless while reading 27 pages of 7-point font about the parallels between islamic fundamentalists & american neoconservatives. i produced an absurd body of work last night. i wont lie, it felt damn good.

2. it started snowing at 3am. timothy started doing this really bizarre dance in front of the balcony as it all fell down. he loves the snow. he brought this upon this snowless city. fogmonster go away!

3. by five i realized id have to forgo sleeping for the night. understand this about me: sleep is my greatest luxury. sacrificing sleep is, then, my greatest defeat.

4. at seven i began writing this story about these two kids who meet at an anti-war protest & eventually don't end up living happily ever after. this is how it begins:

It was just a flicker, barely discernible within our night. But you twitched. Your whole body wavered, if only for that moment, & then it resumed its unnerving stillness. That’s all. We were a mess of arms & legs under scattered blankets, breathing somewhat steadily into the cavern of bedroom air between our mouths. I was so tangled up into you, that some mild motion disturbed me, robbed from me those few precious moments of rest I’d saved all day for. I awoke to your static body, sleep undeterred, possessing a certain calm I don’t really think I was aware of until I saw you laying there on my mattress. I didn’t want you there anymore. But there you were, more complacent than I’d ever seen you. In the morning, none of this would matter. I’d have lost this moment in the night perhaps as effortlessly as you had. But I won’t deny that moment existed. Maybe I was just tired. But I wanted nothing to do with you.

5. the entire class (which is a five hour class at that) was devoted to this group projects on decolonizing methodologies, some dry academic book about indigenous studies. so i spent five hours discussing kaupapa maori theory after the epic paper i wrote on it (last night) & it was as stimulating as it sounds. if all went according to plan, i would have been in new zealand on this monday interning in wellington. heres a weird space for me to admit that theres a reason all did not go as planned. in a strange way, i lucked out.

6. molly & i took a lunch. i wont bother getting into the specifics, but i really appreciated that.

7. today was our midquarter family group evaluations. cole & austin got snowed out of the city, amanda didnt even bother to show face. i should add our group is "samus & the prime time posi." i mean, cmon. we discussed the social dynamics of the family. we keep it posi. thats all it really comes down to. i only got one solid bit of feedback from mohammed: "ally is EXTREMELY softspoken. you have to decide how to deal with that as a family."

8. daniels quote for today would probably go to: "i dont get drunk, i just get romantic."

9. i didnt have work directly after school, FOR ONCE, & it felt glorious.

10. though i passed out promptly upon arriving home.

11. it only lasted like 2 hours. i had too much on my mind. yeah yeah whatever.

12. i bought a crosby, stills, nash, & young record ("so far") for 99 cents. brilliant.

13. some girl recognized me in the basement of value village. when i conceded i dont think i knew her, she admitted she was only aware of me through browsing her friends mathew facebook. dont think she meant to admit that, but it was cute. we all do it, right?

14. ran into my longlost maggie in urban outfitters. weve been through, you know, one of the most intriguing years of my life. during my epic mission to find good product for class today, i recalled the time we had a 3day binge & did nothing but create art for this anarchy class we were taking. our bodies & minds were so worn out after that experience, but fuck, what came out of those entirely sleepdeprived days & nights.

15. i ended up with a harmonica necklace. i wont get into the reasons. but ive really been singing the blues lately, & enough of that already.

16. i found this old, frayed book on religious/christian enlightenment down in half price books. its titled "things as they are now." initially, for my restored testimony, i intended to cut a square into the pages of a bible, & include my testimony claims & photographs in a pocket-sized moleskine. i should explain that my testimony is on all of the elements that led up to my decision to leave my church. but as i was pillaging through all of the holy bibles, i realize i couldnt do it. too many of the bibles had these little epithets in them, or even just names inscribed in a corner. i guess im more concerned with disrespecting these phantom people, than the actual bible itself.

17. im going to say at some point, im sure, that i created this for some fixie-kid that wandered into snocon & refused to by a perfect pair of boat shoes. but in reality, i just need to put it all somewhere. in retrospect none of my memory ever ends up being all that linear. you should know that with me, these things are erratic at best.

18. i think i absorbed all the water in seattle, washington during an intensely long shower.

19. im going to bust out these connected knowers & head over to dance my little worries away with some members of samus & some old amigos. i gave up whiskey a week ago today. im starting to be more sincere with myself. unfortunately, about a half hour ago, i bought the last two 40s of smirnoff from king of the hill. ive bought the whole shelf within the past week. whatever gets you through the night?